I have a vein to pick with you, as I’m feeling pretty insecure and unsafe about a few things.
As you know I cut you out of my life for years because your desires were too big for me to handle and I was not strong enough to support and manifest them.
However after a painful game of tug of war, your strength eventually outweighed mine.
I surrendered respectfully and we re-connected. I listened to your every wish and did what you asked, as much as it broke my ego from every direction. I became your servant and your organizer and everyone thought I was mad for the choices I made.
I left my relationship, my career, I moved, I travelled.
I shocked everyone! I felt love again, true passion. I found my creativity, I found myself.
Things have been great. Now you want change again? You’re teasing me with dreams of far away places as I close my eyes to rest. You whisper in my ear as I’m waking up. You want me to uproot and explore again.
Why? Don’t you think about the future? Do you even have a plan?
If you are all about love, then why do you make me do things that hurt?
Why do you draw me towards people and then ask me to let go? Don’t you realize this breaks their heart? And mine too? It breaks you!
Why do you inflict so much pain on yourself?
Heart, sometimes I wish you were content with clothes, cooking and children like the other women. Don’t you realize people think we’re lost, reckless, crazy?
Heart, you’re too wild for me. But I promised I’d always listen to you. Please just tell me everything is going to be okay.
I know it seemed like my desires were too much for you to handle, but they were never too big, you just allowed fear to make the final decision every time until we eventually disconnected.
You see Head, all I see from down here are opportunities to experience love and to grow. This requires change, movement. Either we’re moving deeper into something, or moving on from something.
I’m here to push you out of your comfort zone.
The pain is the cracking open as I become vulnerable, expand to my absolute limits of love, learn to accept love in, or let it achingly pour out.
Love is constantly connecting us to and moving us on from people and experiences. Some connections last a lifetime, others last only a moment. It’s painful to accept that some things don’t last forever.
There is beauty in this pain.
Let other people think we are lost. The truth is, their hearts may be just as wild, they just haven’t been brave enough to really listen. The laws of the heart are too divine for us to understand, they are beyond time and space, they exist only in the moment, they don’t need a plan, they are the plan.
If we continue to be fearless and move with the flow of love, I promise you—everything is going to be okay.
(ref. Annalise McLean)