Inspiration: emotions…


People that know me, know that i am very fascinated by the human nature, by people’s interactions and the main question is “Why?” Sometimes i feel like a two year old kid that constantly asks his parents the most annoying question, “why this or why that.” I try to find the answers on my questions in books, and so far it has been working…

Todays question that i asked myself and couple of my friends is, “Why some women yell and scream during an argument with men? And why some are not…”

Since my recent life changes i have been living with my sister. We both have same mom and dad, but yet… we are so different in many ways. One of the difference that we have is the expression of our emotions. I am “still waters” like my mom always says, i am quite, reserved, don’t like any arguments and try to avoid them at any cost. Yelling to me is like a red flag, it makes me irritated, annoyed, and i stop respecting that person. When i get angry, and i do get angry, it is not that i am immune to emotions, i go to the ladies room, look in a mirror, grab the counter, then close my eyes and compose myself… sometimes i can even growl a little to get the frustration out, and afterward i am fine. But i guess i do not let go easily, if i was hurt, or lied to i will remember it, i forgive but not forget. My sister, is loud… Emotions are going out constantly as loud as possible, but also she calms down fast. So in our family we learned to ignore it… she is just who she is – loud 🙂

But living together, i started wondering, why does that happen. We both grew up in same environment, same parents, so why do we deal with emotions on such different level?..

I asked couple of my male friends as to their opinion on why women yell and scream during arguments. Here is a basic summary: 

  • “What i think… The main reason is to counter balance the natural physical massive strength of the men… Like small dogs that scream to big dogs…Knowing that they cannot win physically… it is a way of making psychological pressure…”
  • “…Depending on the situation… When women know that they are in a weak position, they use the card of “screaming and being hysterical” because they want to cut the lost discussion…”
  • “…pure pressure. some men afraid of women emotions, so they give in their demands, just to avoid argument.. and women use it as a weapon…”
  • Diana König, journalist and broadcasting author, writes: “If the scream of babies is their first communication method, then is the scream of adults a recession from communication. By screaming, in the opposite of calling, the voice becomes overloaded, over amplified, and it loses it’s control, it’s fundamental sound”.The scream is there before language and it appears where the language reaches its limits.
  • Allen S. Weiss, writer, notes: “The scream reveals the chaotic depths of linguistic and vocal systems”. The use of the term “chaotic” makes assimilations to un control or not wanting to control and that as a vocal expression, is related to scream.
  • Elaine Scarry, writer and literature professor, talks about language in connection to pain and she thinks that pain almost destroys the language because it brings us back into a state where sounds and screams are dominating as they where our means of communication before we learned how to speak. Pain cannot actually be communicated, as it is a personal experience and can only be experienced individually. Pain, as any other concept is actually an individual experience that can only be communicated as an idea and it also is to be interpreted as.

I agree to certain degree with all of the points above, but reading through psychology articles and research, i realized  that i will never find a distinctive answer to my question as to “why?”, i have to accept we are all different and we handle our emotions differently. I could talk on this topic for hours, discussing different scenarios and situations and still would come to the same conclusion – we are all unique, each in our own way, and we need to respect our differences… And by that i mean, not raise voice to the yelling point… We all are emotional creatures, some more emotional, some less, and raised voice is an abusive gesture no matter what the reasoning behind it is… Yes, there is situation in life that probably require such measures, but i believe that with little communication many disagreements can be resolved. 

But sometimes i wonder, who really wins, me – the one that controls my emotions and holds them in, or my sister that lets her emotions out and gets over it?.. In my opinion emotions are like a by-product of the neural regulation of the autonomic nervous system. There should be an outlet for emotions that stored in I would guess, otherwise they would remind of a soda bottle that if you shake it a little – it blows up 🙂 I think my outlet is creating, putting the negative and positive emotions to work and creating projects, art, sewing, painting, cleaning, hiking,  anything that burns off the energy. So maybe finding a correct outlet would make person more content and emotionally stable…



  1. fremka says:

    Интересная тема! Я всегда была очень спокойным человеком, меня удивляли девочки, которые кричат, плачут, ругаются и т.п. Но потом я вышла замуж))) а мой экс отличается способностью выводить меня из себя. За полгода проживания в его квартире я перебила всю посуду, стаканы била коробками по 6 штук разом, – сейчас пишу, смеюсь и удивляюсь одновременно. Что важно – моего самообладания хватало, чтобы не бить посуду у себя дома))) пострадало не более пары чашек, всегда помогало то, что я на своей территории и портить ее не хочу. Сейчас я стала чем-то средним, и вот это мне в целом нравится. Я очень рациональна и невозмутима, но если кто-то вдруг случайно переходит грань, я вспыхиваю как факел в одну секунду. Правда, если мне серьезно хочется кого-то задеть (за дело, разумеется), я никогда не делаю это с эмоциями, предпочитаю оружие холодное, рациональное и идеально подобранное. В конце концов, люди, причинившие нам боль, не стоят слез и криков, и этим их не удивить/не задеть/не объяснить, от эмоций им было бы слишком просто отмахнуться.
    В общем случае нужно учиться золотой середине, как и всегда. Без эмоций мы становимся “трамваем”, а люди, которые ржут на всю улицу при поводе улыбнуться – смотрятся глупо и нелепо, как минимум. Самостоятельность и желание защититься, боязнь показать слабость и т.д. превращает в трамваев. Успешность, опыт, иногда присутствие “защиты” рядом помогают нам проявлять эмоции и спонтанность. 🙂


    1. lina2286 says:

      Я читала твой комментарий и улыбалась 😉 так и есть, даже самых сдержанных можно вывести из себя… У меня было несколько эпизодов когда, меня “перекрывало” и я полностью выходила из себя и тоже со своим бывшим мужем, как раз до того момента когда я приняла решение о разводе… как буд-то бы последние эмоциональные вспышки перед полным затуханием, а потом прочитала высказывание “…all woman wants is love, attention, honesty and loyalty. Before she “leaves” she will whine, cry and complain about all the things that make her unhappy. A warning before destruction…” и после этого я поняла что мой эмоциональный взрыв был как раз из-за того что я скорее всего сама с собой ссорилась и принимала решение… Fremka, have you ever taken Myers Briggs personality test… i would be really curious what type are you 🙂 I am INTP 🙂 and that explains “reserved” personality to certain degree… 🙂 (
      P.S. я все собираюсь и собираюсь написать тебе, и все никак не собирусь 😉 заработалась немного, да и с мужчинами немного запуталась… окунувшись в мир дэйтинга… Самой страшно, и очень не привычно….


      1. fremka says:

        Привет, я INTJ и описание прямо в точку, хоть я обычно и не доверяю таким тестам) спасибо за наводку 🙂 Я отключила эмоции и перестала раздражаться. Поэтому и развелась. Но оказалось, что когда человек тебя любит, он годами будет рядом, меняясь и снова пробуждая эмоции и убеждая разум ) пиши, буду ждать! Сижу в самолете в Израиль )


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